Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being here tonight! Wow, it’s great to see such a lively crowd. You all look lovely—at least the people who are actually paying attention do!
Let’s dive right in. Has anyone else noticed that there’s always those one or two people who NEVER listen to the voice-over in movies? You know, the ones sitting there with their popcorn, loudly asking, “Wait, what’s happening?” as if they expect the entire plot to be rewritten for their convenience.
I mean, how do you NOT listen? You can’t watch the movie with your eyes glued to your phone, and when someone talks, it’s not a cue for the
subtitles to take a coffee break! It’s like they’re going through life, looking at everything on mute.
I once went to watch an action movie with my buddy Dave—he’s the king of the “Oops, I was texting” brigade. The film starts with an explosion, and Dave is blissfully unaware, totally tuned into a game he’s playing. I had to nudge him and go, “Dude! The building just collapsed!” And he goes, “Really? Was that in the subtitles?”
You ever tried explaining a plot twist to someone who's busy scrolling through social media? “Hold on, hold on, my TikTok is about to play this cat doing yoga!” Dude, it’s not like the cat is going to save the world from aliens.
And to those people who also loves
podcasts and who say they prefer reading the subtitles instead of hearing the voice-over—I feel you! Subtitles are like the overachieving student in class. I’m sitting there munching my popcorn, and the subtitle is like, “Hey, you missed the nuance in that dramatic pause!” I’m like, “Thanks, Mozart, but I just want to know if the hero survives or if the cat gets the last lasagna.”
Reading the subtitles is like going to a fancy restaurant. You’re trying to enjoy a meal, but instead of focusing on the food, you’re dissecting every ingredient because the menu sounds like someone spent an entire night writing poetry about rosemary.
But let's be real; subtitles can sometimes enhance the experience. For example, Korean dramas! You’re reading those screens like you’re trying to crack the Da Vinci Code. I remember watching one with my wife. The action was crazy, but I was all eyes on the subtitles. “Did they really just say 'This is the start of our romantic journey' right before a high-speed chase?”
And when the subtitles are out of sync? Oh man! It’s like going to a concert and the band is playing a completely different song. You’re laughing at a serious moment and gasping at a comedic one because the translator was probably in a hurry to get to happy hour!
But listen, if you’re one of those “I only watch with subtitles” types, don’t worry. I get it! You’re probably just trying to multitask, which is completely commendable! You’re keeping your ears open for spoilers and your eyes glued on those deliciously crunchy captions like a Shakespearean play with a twist.
So here's to you folks watching on mute! May your phones stay charged, your snacks unlimited, and may you always appreciate the fine art of reading while nobody else in the room has even a clue what’s going on. Thank you, you all have been amazing! Enjoy the rest of your night!
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